Time Out

Hey Baby I Hear the Blues are Calling...Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs.

Later, Kuwait..
7asoon

ta..tata...tagged!

Been tagged bah mah new friend senda...

1- You receive a gift. You open it and say "Wow, this is exactly what I need. It came in time." What is the gift? Soduim Pentothal... lot's of it

2- Close your eyes, now open them. You are someone else. Who do you want it to be? A Drag queen... damn I gotta work on my imagination... emmmm... oh yeah, The President of th United States of America i promise i'll pay my brain bills though

3- You are sitting in a coffee shop in the Champs-Elysées. There are five chairs around the table, you sit on one, who sits on the other four? Kevin James, Bart Simpson, and them...

4- They give you a chance to appear on TV for five minutes. Everyone on the planet is watching you, and everyone will believe whatever comes out of your mouth. What will your message be? a7medo... if you're watching this... esma3 hal na9ee7a men 9a7bik 7asoon .... *MOONS*

Blogger town: The Beginning

"Welcome to Blogger Town" .. written in a fancy shmancy western font on a dangling piece of wood. Few more steps and I found myself in blogger town, well it's not the best place on earth, but I'm sure it's not that bad either.
Walking down the dusty road between the Saloons and Hotels, pulling on my stubborn horse's bridle, I had to avoid the fierce stares of the not so friendly towners.
"yal '3ali... what's up... looks like you're new in town", said a man sitting next to a saloon.
"ee walla i'm new, would you recommend a hotel I could reside in please?"
"ee sure thing yal 7abeeb.. my name is Temetwir by the way, and i'm the sheriff in town." shakes my hand while introducing himself.
"wenni3im... o0 ana 7asoon.. a renegade". Well let's just say he didn't take that joke so lightly.. you could tell A LOT from people's looks, incase you wondered how I figured that out. The man is serious about his job... lesson learned.... let's carry on.

We walked a couple of blocks to a hotel called The Lilacs, after it's owner of course... Lilacs.
"So... you trust this guy? I dont want no stranger hanging around in my hotel, Temmie, no matter how hot he is!!"
"lala don't worry yuba... this guy looks straight... besides... If he ever smells like fish to ya just holler and i'll hunt him down"
As much as this conversation was appealing to me.. I needed to eat and rest as soon as possible.. coz my back was killing me, and so does my arse.. damn them cheap saddles!!
"Room 12... I'll be watching you boy!" Yeah watch me for all I care... and feed me while you're at it will ya?
"I'm really hungry.. you know a decent restaurant around?" I asked.
Lilacs: "yeah there's one right next to my hotel..."

Little that I knew about apple flavoured steaks... and peachy non-alcoholic beer... Scarletta was pretty much my only choice of restaurants.
"I have taken this recipe from my grand mommy.. although she included taytos in whatever she cooks but I have managed to create my own line of food fashion" Said Scarlo.. the restaurant manager/cheff/waiter.
"well it tastes... emm.. nice, thank you scarlo"
"so what's your story stranger?"
"7asoon is my name, and I wonder around towns.. so yeah.. not settled yet"
"My dad was a rider too.. god bless his soul.. he used to bring me gifts from wherever he sets foot.... more drink?"
I don't think she understood what I said.
"no thank you... I have to run anyways, gotta get some rest... delicious food, scarlo"

I woke up the next morning on some brutal knocking on my door. With half open half closed eyes, and a not so pleasing look on my face, I opened the door to see sheriff Temetwir shining his bage.
"Wake up 7asoon yal ta3baan let's meet some people in town and get you acquainted to stuff around here" he said.

يتبع يا جماعة الربع

flunk flunk flunk

Bad hair day?:
"You have to do this all over again ya ba6eekh. I can't even think of a project that is as sloppy, bitchy, and gay as yours. Oh, and I also have to write you up."
I took a deep breath, counted backwards from 10... supposed to reach zero.. but would he let me??
"I mean.... what the hell did you expect when you turned in such a shitty work? For god's sake there are coffee drops on the paper...!!!" He continued.
well, you ungrateful son of a bitch, you got me working overtime for the last 2 weeks loading me with assignments that cost me countless hours of sleep and relaxation. What did YOU expect?! Oh, and the coffee?? I meant to do that!!
"Sir, I will make sure this won't happen again... I promise. The project's due in 4 days, just give me chance to correct it". Eyebrows raised now, he looked at me as if i were an insect that should be squashed at once, "CORRECT IT??? What part of do this all over that you do not get??"
The part where spittle started to come outa ur mouth while u where saying it?!
"Then redo it it is... thank you for the opportunity". You asshole... no... even better... a really huge hole surrounded by a stinky ass!!
The Boss (aka the Puss) is off to get on someone else's tits.
One day earlier:
I sat there on my love seat (I really should call it my jerk-off seat.. it's been a while since.... what's that? I'm sharing too much? ok sorry), chicken-skratching down my project. Is the light too dim? No, I think the coffee's too cold.
Nothing is more pleasing and appealing than nature's call right in the midst of your "working habitat". Ok, time to hit the toilet. 1:22 am
Hmm, joint looks dirty... must... clean... must clean... where the hell is my handy dandy Mr. Clean package ?! This shit cost me $14.99 it's gotta be worth it!!
Note to self: you cleaned the bathroom ams ya 7lo!!
Back to my lovely love/jerk-off seat... 3:43 am
Well... how bad could it be? 3 hours and fifteen minutes before I hand this project over to the Puss... and only 2 pages to go.
Why is it so dusty in here? I knew I should've gotten a carpeted appartment.

بدائل الذهب الأسود

لا تخفى علينا مواطنو هذا البلد المعطاء حالات الفساد و التدهور و التراجع الاقتصادي و الاجتماعي التي يمر بها بلدنا المسكين.... بلدنا الذي أصبح ضحية أطماع و نزوات إنسانية دنية دنيوية لا رادع لها إلا إقدام و إصرار أهلنا على مقاومة هذا التخلف و ال ال ال .. التكعبل

المهم... مقدمتي صغيرة في هالموضوع مابي أتفلسف وايد اهيهيهي

كوني مواطن غيور خايف على مصلحة بلدي.... عالم بأن نفطنا العزيز في نضوب و آيل إلى الخلاص... راح أقترح عدة بدائل تعود علينا بالنفع وإن لم تدر علينا بعائد كعائد النفط و لكن نحمد الله و نشكره ما نطر طرارة من الدول الشقيقة و الصديقة.. و الله يعود النفط علينا و عليكم باليمن و البركات

بسمه تعالى نبدأ الخطة المضادة للفقر و المعاش الردي

: تصدير الحشيش

خلال تجارب علمية عملية فطحلية أقيمت على تربتنا الخصبة.. اكتشف العلماء الأفغانيون أن أرضنا صالحة لزراعة المانجو و الحشيش، بهذا تضع الديرة في مقدمة الدول القابلة لزراعة الحشيش و بالتالي إمكانية تصديره و التجارة به

فوائده: تتعدد فوائد الحشيش حسب كميته و نوعيته.. فإن لم يكن مضروب و مضاف إليه مواد كيميائية، بإمكان الحشيش أن ينسيك حليب أمك و يطلعك من عوار القلب الي انت عايش فيه... زيادة على ذلك دمك يصير أخف مليون مرة... إرجع حق نكت المحششين إذا مو مصدق

: تجارة العبيد

سبق و إن قلت انه ودي أكون تاجر عبيد، نظراً لما تدره عليك هذه التجارة من أموال طائلة تعيشك انت و أهلك و 3 أجيال و نص من بعدك

تتمثل هذه التجارة بخداع الخدم القادمون من الدول الفقيرة.. و من ثم تمزيق جوازاتهم و أوراق ثبوتيتهم حال وصولهم إلى ديرتنا، و بعدين بيعهم على الدول الغنية

فوائدها: من خلال هذه التجارة، بغض النظر عن السمعة السيئة، يمكن للبلد أن توطد العلاقات بالدول الغنية و بالتالي تكوين صداقات متينة عميقة قد تعود بالنفع و المصلحة للوطن في اليوم الممطر الأسود... كما يمكن استخدام العبيد كأيدي عاملة لتعمير البلد

ملاحظة: لمن تهمه هذه التجارة... إليكم بعض أسماء العبيد الممكن استخدامها

ذكور: سفروت، سُأطُأ، عين السيح (اسم ساخر)، بُعبُع، بلوتوث

إناث: فرفورة، بلبولة، جريشة منهنهة، الحرة (حد أمه اسم ساخر) ، فسفوسة، انفراريد

: صيد السمك و الغوص على اللؤلؤ

نظراً لما وجدنا عليه أجدادنا من إقدام وشجاعة كغواصين و نواخذة و صيادين، فلابد... بل لا بد ثم لا بد من وجود غواص أو نوخذة أو صياد كويتي صغير داخل كل واحد فينا....يا جماعة الربع.... فلنعمل معاً على إخراج هذا الشخص إلى الحياة... و تنمية مواهبنا البحرية من أجل نهضة بلدنا من جد و جديد

فوائده: تكوين بنية جسمية سليمة و صحة و عافية و لياقة بدينة لا حدود لها... يمكن استخدام هذه القوة البدنية أيضاً في ألعاب الأولمبياد حيث ننهض بأسم بلدنا الحبيب على الصعيد الرياضي... و لا ننسى انه ممكن نتعلم نحبس أنفاسنا وايد تحت الماي من خلال الغوص المستمر... و بالتالي السماح للعلماء الكويتيين بدراسة الحلقة المفقودة بين الانسان و السمكة...و من ثم إحراز التقدم العلمي أيضاً

أرجو أخذ الوسائل هذي بعين الاعتبار حيث أن نفطنا آخذ بالنضوب آز وي سبيك ... يا جماعة الربع

انشالله برجع لكم ببدائل أخرى اذا يت على بالي.. حبيب ألبي يا غالي

What I like to call a new post

I lost the battle between me and the urge of writing a new post, so here goes nothing.
A coupla nights ago, right before I hit the sack and bubble in the cut, just between me and myself I thought: what's life without a laugh? or even a giggle?
yeah yeah 7asoon spare me the "Life isn't worth a tear" speech... well guess what... IT'S NOT!!
I'm starting to believe it doesn't even matter whether people laugh with or at you, as long yall having fun (dignity should be taken into consideration).

One beautiful morning, Mike, a mid-aged guy woke up yawning like a bear telling himself "wow what a wonderful day this will be... IT IS MAH BIRTHDAY!!". So he got up for work and the thought of a surprise party from his wife and kids kept haunting him. "I wonder what they have prepared for me?" He asked himself.
The man went down for a bite before he scoots to work. "Morning darlin" he said to his wife, but there was no response from the wife.. no goodmorning no nothing... let alone the Happy Birthday!! So he sat and had his coffee... kids came down rushing as the school bus was honking... "morning mom and dad.. see you at lunch" and went out.
WHAT!! it seems that everybody have forgotten about the poor guys' birthday.
Mike went to his work... so sad and blue and upset that his family didn't remember his birthday.
At work, Mike was sitting on his desk working when Vicki the secretary knocked on the door
Vicki: Hello Mike
Mike: Hey Vicki
Vicki: I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday :)
Mike: so you remembered my birthday ?
Vicki: sure i did Mike... and i got u something
she hands him a box of chocolate and a neck tie.
Mike: wow Vicki.. well thanks so much
Vickie: would you like to go and get something to eat ?
Mike: I'm sure we could do that... it's lunch break anyways... let's go
on their way back to work.. "Are you sure you want to go back to work? wouldn't you like to come back to my place?" Vicki suggested.
so tempted, Mike agreed to go back to Vicki's since she's the only one who managed to remember his birthday.
At her place: "So Mike... would you mind if I go and slip into something more comfirtable?"
More comfirtable???? NOT AT ALL.. so he helped himself to a glass of wine and sat on the couch... Vicki went inside the room to "change"..
a coupla minutes later... Vicki came out of the room... along with Mikes wife, kids, and some close friends, carrying a birthday cake...... while Mike sat on the couch holding the glass of wine, wearing his birthday suit